Pine Tree Prize


Dad took me to Mt Hoodlum in an old green rusted truck in 1976. He ran over 3 animals on the way. He said:

“Fresh kill, decomposition delayed.”

I felt the bump of fur. What did I feel? Thilled. Oh, gosh. Thrilled at age 9 to spend time with him.

“Andrew”, he said. “Yes, Saddam?”, I retorted. He continued to speak as he changed into a Wei Wei beast, and sang:

I am a bad daddy

So very bad

You were born!

You’ve been had

We hiked for 3 days to get to Padu Point. The sea meets land THERE. We rented a boat with a cork in the bottom for melancholy hopeless dream-suckers.

Out To Sea

Out to the endless rolling sea

We went to the sea went we

A secret plot of Dad was to kill me

Me, this son he had

The waves were volumnous with water waving on top of water hundreds of miles deep or so. It was the surface that mattered. To us. It was US that mattered. The journey was haphazard! No heading. No meaning. Nothing.

Is life meaningless? If it is, how nice of it to join us.


Willy Wonka


Willy Wonka, fictitious weirdo, gives his factory to Charlie, a knuckle headed boy with no dreams. Say… I could give my password away! Like WILLY!!

Yay! I hate writing. I don’t like ANY of you. Just kidding. Stop crying!!! I am as crazy as Willy Wonka! Here:


Try that, you melon-farming sheet fitter’s pit!! It a pass code. To my BLOG?? So you can WRITE FOR ME WHILE I’M at Mars??


There’s bound to be RULES

DON’t tell WordPress. Don’t tell Vice-executive producer assistant Tom Rommel that Andy Girsbrecht lost his mind. PLEASE?? WRite some stuff for me. Hee hee!!

type in:




There are several “versions” of WordPress, probably because of a Q factor. So if it doesn’t go right away, keep trying. If you give up, remember that there are pictures of my Mediterranean wife Leelu, naked, on the editing board.

That’s for me, but please ENJOY the artistry of her plump NIPPLES. It’s a photo! I get em all the time. I want to unish my readers in a “hell with some pleasure”.

Leelu is not her REAL name. Yeah. But she made all these “slutty” nasty hot photos for me. And, like an American idiot, I posted them on my control panel on edit control. I can see her cantalope- super juicy! Her Baker’s Buns.

“Leelu” is 17. I know. I know. I am a bastard. But in Pennsylvania, a 42 year old (with 3.2 million in the bank) can we’d himself an underage HO. Jealous?? Up your! Up your! Up your alley… Check her out.

Whoops. You cannot see my legal wife naked. It’s child pornography. I made up the password. It’s fake. So I guess all I can do is penetrate my child bride, infuriating BAPTISTS and impregnate a minor with my satanic semen.

You don’t get out much. Do you?  I am WORDING all of this to prove a point:

letters are not only how I place them by typing… They are soaked up by EYES, brains… Honestly, when I was a boy, age 14, I died. The death was not in a coffin. I was, as sheriffs write: “felony sexual assaulted”. It is goddam fuckin’ therapy for me to DON the mask of the DEVIL and talk like a wacko to console myself 24 years later.

Be amazed! If ye believeth NOT in “God”, I have your BACK! I love atheists & doubts. Fuck Christians. I am one. I love them. Let’s focus on you atheists. I’m a Switchback. I represent the CoExistances. A very fuckin’ weird JOB of an EXISTANCE. I get suicidal in ideation. I shake hands with evil people. Knowingly. What’s a shake?

I am an Andruism. Good, bad, ugly? I am by birth a HOTTIE. I’m handsome. I shun the title. I don’t use it for “lays”. I am human. Sensitive. I feel sexually harassed by WOMEN!! You feminine FOULA-BOULAS are so… like us men! Consumers! Gossipy. Not all. I like women. As a bed pads sleep, women pad life. JESUS liked women. He used them! Not like a pimp unless the Gospel of Judas Priest says they got naked.

What do you think Jesus Yeshua did for 30 years before he went into ninja-messiah mode? Did the rabbis penis move in his pants as he walked? Did he ever get to take Mary Magdalene’s dress down and kiss the belly-above-pube-forest? Oh, sounds nice! A reward for such a nice man.

Yesh AKA Jesus knew God who knows your hairs on your head- how many exactly! This implies firmly God knows the count of your armpit hairs, pubic hairs, pulse-height of your last orgasm- from a natural or unnatural source. He KNOWS. Amazing. But don’t we all know that all is known… deep down?

Doxology of a Dude:

oh how this life takes up space-

I really always need a friend

when alone, I am not alone

it seems the worst… is over forever already

why must we wait?

do we wait?

boredom ensues

if that is The Worse, this is heavenly

• •

I’ll do anything to keep more children coming. The Life on High needs more babies. I have SEEN & FELT that The Power, The Creator is SO ABLE to make more people and properly care for them. When I was young, I was sexually attacked. As a boy. Few resources to love me. No one comforted me at home. I told no one. I have to be careful, you see, because I feel entitled to suicide still.

But I have friends. Associates who say YES to life & do not suicide. My friends, I don’t think I can. If I did, I pre-accept. Because I love Andrew, and now you are hearing the voice of Jesus Christ.

That gets me. I am not Jesus. He is WAYYYYYYYY with me. Loving it, loving it. I have conversed with survivors of natural disaster. Not star struck. They EQUAL me. Jai Breisch- we texted a few weeks ago. I texted to encourage his “now-soul”. He was overtaken by a tsunami wave & lived. Nearly impossible to do! He had “pre-cognition” via dream of the tsunami. I TOTALLY FUCKING BELIEVE him. He is a prophet. That day, friends, his younger beloved beautiful sister was extinguished by the water force. The heroine’s last words were prophetic.

“Get out!”

Too few to be prophetic? Consider drowning is the worst feeling in the world. You can only hope that somehow she was knocked out and felt nothing. I have drowned and lived. There is a metaphysical devil at least! Mocking me as I took water in the face. Conversely, yin yangly, I recovered. Thankful to breathe.

Air, Spirit, Breath

I have a medical condition. Painful. Death is not very scary. The chemical composition of my body is scary! Pain is scary. Loneliness is scary. They should be! I’m no god of my being. I get death ideations. I think it’s wise to meditate on the old body flopping dead, hit by a Mack Truck or, if you are cool- cut in half to bleed out FAST. Like by a mad Hockey player with RAZOR hockey stick, Shooter McGavin, reaping you, revealing strawberry blood lumps and corn for lunch! yay!

I just took some DXM for fibromyalgia pain. “200”. Less than a Robo bottle. It contains a person in a state of lowered CNS activity intensity. I have back pain. 2 roommates who talk loud, laugh.

I believe some people shoot themselves because of sound. Sound from humans. It’s like a jet hitting a twin tower. Really. I’m so fucking tired of hearing people’s stupid ideas. I drank 5 beers. Just now today. Do I sound drunk? Alcohol is a suicide primer. I am going to live. 200 DM walls me in

I’m me. Hi. Love me by loving you because I could love you but don’t know what to do


life 1.0

Six Three-score Six

666 AKA

“God Is Italian”

(I hope I did not add or subtract to scripture. Oh how I tried. Oh yes yes, Lovelies)

To the Unchurch of Comicon,


Wisdom Calculate Anyone If Has

  • Yoda is dead •
  • 😢 – so is Han Solo!
  • 😡 Maul is dead, no longer horny

• • •



Have you readers ever had an American church-goer Bible-reader say, “It’s the end times” ….. ?

I have wisdom. Not all-wise, but I want to carefully, wisely, cautiously SPEED ON IN and tell you… Tattoos are ink into FLESH.

“Flesh cannot inherit the kingdom of Heaven.”

Forehead. Right hand. There is a warning in the Revelation/ Apocalypse of ADDING to the words or TAKING AWAY of this prophecy, so first, lemme say I am pro- Jesus/ Yeshua. I have dug into scriptures before, written on THE TOPIC of “speed bumps”.

Example One, Hebrews 6. You’ll be disappointed. My take is that once a person has made a mistake they must live with it, and JC’s blood is NOT for redos. The mere suggestion of being RE-Saved or Re-baptised suggests YOU can be extra special and make Christ die twice. It could be confusing & if like me you SPUN reading this, it was or will be to LOVE you with a whap. I personally have a nervous system disorder, 1:50,000, so… Ha ha, joke was on me- I was startled & hypovolemia followed an attack of edema to my heart.

So I may be ONE OF THE FEW wise guys to give you an amazing answer in English that will help 2% of you. It’s worth my time, friend, if you are a friend to the gospel. The gospel is, essentially, simply, Jesus died, resurrected, ascended in an awesome body. This accomplished a bridge by a human-who-was-the-creator to humans who were NOTHING. How is there anything? Anything at all?

I was watching Transformers, some sequel, too wacky- but Transformium… was VERY interesting. Optimus Prime’s return to the Maker… a little rebellious!! Bad!! No. Fiction. But it reflects human angst:

“I will confront God.”

He will beat you to it. Hasn’t he already? Your aloneness- not really fair. But The Reality is Good! I minimize using the three letter word God, because the Everywhere One has higher names for his sameness. YOU must know as a human we are equal. Do you know “Jesus” is a synthetic name, HUNDREDS of years old? What if I told you the name for the 1st century ecclesia groups was essentially:


like Joe with out the “whaddaya know” because he knew lots. Am I joking? Quantum reality was his. Arguably. What would it take to stand on water? Not Wu Wei… The Way. Which way? He either did or did not. Deutomus- POWER. Volts? I bet energy is poorly understood. I’ve seen a strawberry hover in a fancy magnetic machine.

Theories of aliens fascinate. What if the type of alien that is REAL visited ISRAEL. Special teleportation was decent but personal. Emergence of our maker (alien to us- we as mammals have nothing in common.) He either had his own ova cell in Mary the mother of the Messiah (like Shmee from Star Wars, but young)… or he travelled into quantum space in an ova ship like Mork.

Mork from Ork. Alien. Empath. I see in the Maker’s world you all can do just fine analyzing TV, movies, writing, song lyrics and find God. Not all. Some is based on lost minds searching, which may be therapy for a Mohawk faux-hawk or a bad cutie girl. Whatever.

As for girls, women- Deuteronomy something… 16:24? I don’t give a hoot, but IT IS written (for Israel national law 4000 YEARS ago, if a woman is “raped” the rapist must marry her and NEVER divorce. Dang it! The Bible looked like hope was real. Answer?

Long ago “raped” was really “ripped”. You break it you buy it. Literally. The scripture says, “…if THEY are discovered he must marry her. “They” means CONSENT to being like heathens and “fucking” for fun. Am I bad? “Fuck”:

Frauline under ChucK

The Americans who go to churches are comprised of many INFILTRANTS who freely use men/ women/ same sex to have sexual experiences & to varying degrees are “sorry”, yet tell of their exploits though “mature”. Europeans who go to Luthern/ Anglican/ Catholic buildings as “members” care less. Some teach their children to be chaste thru non-contact. What is the Truth? None are the truth. I’m talking about meat-bodies & memory, not the spirit of a human connected to “Espiritu Sanctu”. Abuse of a meat-body is a word in the WORLD. THE Word, who is in the world STILL, extracts saves rescues EVEN US IN OUR FLESH MEAT BODY, giving life. Take a look at a nice 102 year old woman who in the 1930s was a dancer. Did she ever bop with a schlop? Matters little NOW. My memories of people who HID that they were “doing” STUFF, well, maybe they suffered more if they were JERKS to hide, and I’d rather everybody figure out their own BORING “sin” unless they REALLY screwed up & wanted to die, then I’d say it’s over. Memories linger. WHICH MEMORIES CAN ONE LIVE WITH? Staring at the wall in psuedo religious prayer stance, BURNING? Dudes & dudettes- a dinner date EXCEEDS sex. Why have sex if not claiming your opposite-sex partner for life? You can marry like Isaac. Pick & choose. Paperwork from the State is not marriage, but has great benefits. What ever happened to a good kiss? I could go on. Even in MARRYING (sticking to one physical partner indefinitely) myself, I must figure out how MY lady is my “wife” and cultivate it. A coupling of seven years is (7x 365.25) days, and some of those days you might see yourself as a bad Caesar or her as expectant Viking tormenter Drucilla the yeller. The goal there isn’t sex but to reflect Heaven in a sad modular living song. Probably entertains the Great Lamb of Heaven. Is sexual coupling an end? Or a funky model of cooperation in the Heavens? Blah blah blahhhhhh… I’ve been reading Rabindrath Tagore (b. 1932)- his words hit my savor for life with punch.



Spiral, spiral, spiral



Circle Circling Circus

Up, up, up

A mark on a forehead-

“Fore”: (adj) “Front”

“Head”: (adj) “uppermost part of a body”

• • • •

If you are a member of the body of Jesus Christ, HE is the head & the “right hand” of God. BOTH a “head” & “hand”. Humans are meaty & bestial, call themselves “mammals” and accurate to a degree- the biology or perishable. It’s quite basic but not SIMPLE- humans can connect to God via a human who is OF US (Christ Jesus geneticly was David). God’s son did not arrive with a human eject-U-lay-shun IN… he arrived in the center of a teenage girls belly as a miniature spaceman. With ALL of God’s messiah qualities to save “us”.

“Us”: (n.) “Not ‘them’.”

Oh my. Don’t be them. Don’t be meat. Should you freak out? No. Life can really suck. Just be & live. “believe” if you must. You do? Already? I am a useless evangelist! Surely you sin? I say “I have sin” where Yeshua/ Jesus/ Resurrected/ Crucified man has NO dead center. He is the small pearl in the Pearl I’ve become, became my sand. God is a gosh darn perfectionist- maybe. A PEARL that masks a pearl? My pearl around the sand that is mine is pearlescent thanks to mysteries. I am with this meat body. Someone could stamp a beast “666” because it will die. Daily, then executed! What is left? No thing.

So I still care for my body. It matters. It’s a spiritual matter.

Now to address 1001 heresies:

JESUS (Joshua/ Yeshua/ Isa) dictated Revelations to John about “the end”. Why think for a second that you have authority to ADD:

“the End” + “of the World”

The end of WHAT?!?! Oh you KNOW! Especially if taught by meat-Popsicle professors at Harvard Seminary! Sure! God love you HIGHER! I am being facetious. The end… What could be more PERSONAL than one’s OWN life? I do not add “The end” + “of Andrew’s life”. I can only think of one dead-end… the beginning. Of my zygotal hell. Not dead.

Oh my God- life, life, life… Everywhere. Is Revelation wise, or a joke? Does it read like a joke? Masterful words.

Observation: 200,000,000 is the biggest number in the bible book Revelation. Science folk say that the average count of spermatazoa released in a love-session (like when Adam “came into his wife” and made Cain, that count is 200-300 million. Hmmm. HMMMM. Yeah. They found that in the last century. How did John write 200 million? Know what there was 200 million OF? You read it!

Am I creepy? Bible. Sperm. Adam came into his wife. Yes! I am writing creepy. But I did write Deuteronomy 24:16 is NOT pro rapist marriage. My Bible was errant.

I have the Hallowed Spirit, the Word IN me, similar to Mary I am entered by a quantum-ish door as all men and wo-men (equal)

Dominos Pizza

Heart Attack Requiem

Gosh! I have sin! Mixing high theology with jokes. (those are his. I’m naturally stuck up.)

okay, well, if you liked that stop avoiding the quantum-reality junction. Eat lamb, drink fine wine. Appreciate it. God is Italian.

(yes I hav drain bammmage)


Zammi Chufa Code 37

.   ||

Fuyuhu griklod cafseder hio cresward vzuni retualsnam bhugrym herchnadfeld goclaede

. ||||

folveage mooyltr ferwyklyda polopolvolop edno pacdehbreen zetozart criskretten ossisspo


. ||

Forty nuns run into a bar & each nun has a “40” (ouncer.) Of “O’Doul’s.

. |||

Once upon a time, a monkey with a spatula ruled the pancake house.

IF THESE WERE FUNNY, it’s only a pattern of my thinking, man. My effort was SO minimal that I cannot take credit. Erosion. Erosion of the hypopronucleic neuroplasty. It is sad. Please make a donation to the HNE Fountaination to help old children of smackaholic lemur-trainers TODAY.

Mini Drones, Quadcopters And Citizen Response For Homeland security

Do you worry about homeland security? You can politely message the government at:

Pentagon contact us

CIA contact us

It’s not meglomaniac to do this, nor are all comments unread. Message them. If you are not liking our nation USA, tell them. If you think nihilisticly, well, they do annihilation sometimes for good. We would hope.

The person(s) reading your comments are just workers. I doubt many agents read comment. I have no qualm messaging. Nor any problem with Facebook “big brother watching”. I had a dialog with a Sunni in Pakistan 4 years ago. He seemed okay, but was anguished. He described an urban bomb and repeated “bomb blasts”. He pleaded, “Take my childrens.” I cannot. I will no longer message into a war zone. I did not know.

I have evangelical interest and love. It took a toll. Facebook, according to Agent Smith (yeah) of the FBI “has no FACE value”. Amen. It’s not real. I said goodbyes. Unplugged from Facebook. Pakistan as a nation has its power shut on and off, terrorists from Usama’s clan and forced Koran readings. My FB contact is still there. HAEIshakeel Afridi. You see his picture- he is bitter it seems. He would be a valuable asset. This is not S. Afridi the doctor in prison. This one, same tribe, is an RN

I WONT MESSAGE HIM. He seems like no terrorist. But his friend saw my home and said my wife ought to be, for a messy room- honor killed. He looked gay. Just being honest. Like YMCA with leather cap and chest hair. So Al-Queda is possibly killing THEM as Peshwar is “City of Men” and what does that mean? I don’t believe in their existance. Grumpy, sending me flirtation? HAEA s.a. did not send this, but raises his children. They had a school shooting where the Afridi kids go. Rivaled Columbine- as ADULTS were the shooters.

Why is our military there if their actions mimic Sodom & Gomorrah judgment? Way, way messy.

Like the Swiss stay to themselves- America. All the gay marriage loud issues may invite radicals. I wish people would see that, right or wrong, loud gay politics are treasonous- it’s complicated. In Jesus Christ I take refuge. To gay people, I’d say “No you are not gay… You are you. Jesus loves you. Turn away from all that, talk and all. It’s one fault to do what you ought not do, totally another to rile up hate for the USA. I’m married. If I say, “I’m White and hetero” that is my RIGHT, but why do that?”

In case urban areas get VISITORS like Paris & in Europe, I’d say we need NOW homeland security by finding out what we can do, because we are not Sodom. Those were violent rapists like India has.

People resist the “repent” side (turn from sin) but want an easy faith in a Christian God. Skipping repenting (turn) will get people or yourself killed. Fact. I don’t want soldiers dying or police because people en masse resist the facts. I know personal change is not in actions repressed, so apparently one ought to live wisely.

One thing that promoted the sexual revolution was the preceding sexual repression- villainizing same-sex closeness, even father’s homophobic of gentle-but-not-gay sons. Reaction? Shock Mom & Dad for a kick. I am mad that same-sex friendship is scary. But I have guy friends. Anyway.

We Christians were once not for Christ. We did all these things, too & perpetuated the worldliness. We stepped out of the lifestyles and found we are just a person that God wants to love. The fight against death and sun goes on. The REAL closet to come out of is the closet hiding sin. So coming out as gay could be part of open desire for same-sex relationship as all have, or defiance.

I don’t see this in Europe. I’ve seen where men have mistresses in France and Japan, etc. I can change my vision, implore others to do this, but the world is God’s. I have gay neighbors, but I don’t see them prove it.

Johnny Cash sang:

“Let him who does evil do evil still Let him who does good do good still”

moral #1: Don’t mislabel yourself

Hey- Do Not “Hail” The Boppa-Czar

My dentist Lenny Hadwenkaskya says:

”    Who or what is “The Boppa-Czar”?

its my new, not-legal name

a “boppa” is a grandpa. I’m old enough and know a bunch of whodiddy. I keep seeing MY Boppa- in day visions, and he seems to say I’m equal to him

a czar- Russian (I got drops of Russkie essence, have grasped in part the suffering of the Orthodox in anti-God Eastern Europe & those who have immigrated have fellow shipped with me.

Boppa-czars- power grandpas for good, filling up with the Spirit. Leader & socially cuddle others, even as grumpy. Sounds Arabic, like “Balthazaar”. Austere and above all- DIGNIFIED. Women are sisters, and not many can be mothers to me except my motherly Babe-oosh-kah SPOUSE.”

Sounds like Seinfeld. He looks like Ricky Ricardo’s neighbor

Fred Mertz

Tucks his pants HIGHER. Less bald, but no one is perfect. Snappier like he is Ren & his sweet wife is a Stimpy. “What IZ it Man???” He says he is working on a crossbow, at “age 75” to keep in a bag, to eat his lunch downtown in case “Icees come to town”. And should an SKS whip out of American-dressed Akbar Abdul Muertos hands he’ll take that bow armed with a bug zapper tip, and make a living casualty before (hopefully before) any of us are cut down. THATS not crazy… it’s AMAZING!

Works on an arrow like Ishmael but with Tesla volts to shoot-raze, stun, and leave for capture a Son of Big-bad Anarchy. They’ve gone wild! Boppa-Czar manifests his destiny. Six foot, family of military, reads Art of War that CAPTURE bests a kill.

West Coast. Honestly, his Icees may never DESIRE the West. They say they want the Dee Cee. Perhaps Dee Cee has a Boppa-Czar. It’s not enough. It COULD be in Hollywood. Say- could the buraeu that makes police tazers make a tazer-revolver? License CIA or The Reserve or SWAT to shoot electric from hidden phone booth tourers? From citizens?

Citizens have any access to automatic rubber bullet arms? Not only would this make ME feel safer but in decades to come, what if we have city drone with Tesla electric? Silent alarm and remote controlled mini drones fly, controlled by GAMERS selected by CIA.

What if Zelda Williams flew a drone to dethrone an SKS paradise seeking Columbine half-witted lost “reality gamer” in Dee Cee?

Is There Not An Advantage To Whether You Like Yourself Or Not?

Answer: Yes both ways, but for whom?

I think the title is a little screwy or too complex and ambiguous. To me everything seems ambiguous as I read, stuck in “too deep” mode. If I’m not me, I cannot be you- or can I? The threads that connect are in the world of the music of life and interests.

I use to hear “Get high on life,” and did not get it. Well I get a FILL of life- I get “wide” not high. On life. Turned my expectations sideways. My brain has taken me to frightful places to visit. Later in life, I have ACTUALLY FELT completion in the physical world to the thought-fear world. Beyond words I have suffered agony. When it gets beyond words, one touches a thing like a “hell” and traps their own viewer person. You weren’t alone, but at the time your feeling was isolated.

One can revisit simply by having a personal bad day, even telling others what happened. Did others hear the depth? Who cares! You get another face to talk to. Not the face on the head, but the face of the entire body- or else those who are blind or deaf would not “see” you and in fact often the blind and deaf “see and hear” better.

So it is good to experience loss, grief, isolation- for me it was years in my 20s as being partially autistic, having Asperger’s to a degree. In autism I feel a black zero. I see and hear ME too much. My confusion led to cracking jokes. That was my body but not ME. Not who I permanently wanted to be. I felt shame after being used for laughter. Others didn’t know my ME.

But I know you. Yep. Reader. You. You- you have a “ME”. As much as I accept my horrors and triumphs, I know you can too, and there is hope. If you are alive. Dead people don’t read the net. Or books. Are you going to die tonight? If I say “yes” the depressed who want a free will suicide will feel a nudge to resist and live, because suicide is willful. It’s easier to tune out abuse and live until your natural expiration date.

Maybe that is TONIGHT. Or in a few minutes. Bye! See, that’s like taunting. I have been in my former life concisely trapped in ideation of death. I’m still here. I don’t use the word “suicide”. I say “auto-death”. I thought of it because I am strong but FEARED it, so I went through a trial to see how strong my will is. Not very strong anymore.

I choose “70” as my inner age. I’m 42 and have strange dynamics. People say of their lover “I fucked them”. I LOATHE that. “Banged” is what that is. My mind wants love, not a full body jerk off. Their are ways to make love that are better for the heart. I have the opportunity right NOW, but she is so— what is the word? Vampira! I fear having a fucking panic attack, but she’ll be fine because she does not have a fine tuned screwy nervous system. Yanking too much. On what? No! Not on my sausage. It’s like she’s rude. At least she is unaware.

I’m an awesome lover, but I don’t lay like a pumper. Back injury. Also I have less hang ups but turn offs KILL my erectile function. Like PADS used on the floor make me sick. Get TP & wrap it, biatch! Most women are not so vulgar and unrepentant of nasty habits. Gnarly is ok. I don’t want to date my hand. If it’s too much, I walk.

Why must sex require touch? Why can’t I be a cartoon and happy? The world is a flesh circus. Using using using. Take take. How about ask, Lovely? Negotiate not only sex but life? While I sit, waiting for a terrible time in bed to be beaten, I contemplate the day I almost drowned. My body burned like hell. No thoughts. Saying “help God?”- impossible. I survived. That is who I am. Not a man sex doll. I am Posedian, ocean warrior… Apollo, sun dancer… And as a sufferer in life PROMETHEUS JR. It’s “junior” because my cross is not that big as daily liver chew toy for a Greek bird (prick!).

I’m needing dignity. I’m not as good a person as her, but dignity is like oxygen. I won’t be fucked over and de personalized for decades. You wouldn’t think a man cares. Some do. I do. Still I try new ways to connect, but “in love”? Fairy tale!! The love is above and man may shadow a higher story in the heavens, where REAL Gods do not lay and watch, or even screw- they are hero and the rain of them comes to us, saving us in Universe Zero. The story has not begun until you know theirs.


To Tell You The Truth

My shoulder muscles ache. Not to bitch, but I’d like to express that there is beauty on this Earth, but not for me. Not much. That could change. I’m saying that I can see hope for countless generations but my own body digresses.

I’m seized by pain! Not seizures. I have health. But not mobility. I don’t want to live in this body. So I make it the possession of others. The pain has made me question if God is behind my suicidal ideation and I’m a Christian. Judge my thoughts & you’ll get it back.

The GOOD of it is, that with each graduation of a death ideation, I earn “a belt”. I’m convinced that in America, if my words on suicide were written, there’d be no difference in the stats because suicidal follow thru to death is experienced by UNREADING, isolated people. Or- or, if in bad/ hard relationships (my wife has TBI and is UNABLE to speak much) people ARE in company but isolated.

Local agency- I told human services this dilemma and my near- despair. The rep “Amy” (not real name) looks me in the eye and says, “I am here for you for life.” That decreased my down spiral. Like a game, a person chooses many avenues. Even like in CHESS where inevitabilities close in. Every chess game “dies”. In Chess, “forfeit” is suicide.

In life, we do not see what is seen in chess- all pieces removed, board folded. As a man with faith in Jesus (and I’m creative in thought) I think if a Mack truck took out my body, I may very well, say, lift away, invisible, but watch the End of civilizations and see Outer Space itself folding. The dead would be visible maybe. “Rolling up like a scroll” as scripture written speaks of. Or maybe slowly. Who knows? Not important. I mention that because I believe in a theory of non-relativity, that, say, a deer could be pursued by hunters and vanish to the woods 100 miles away by a “Force” overseen by God similar to the “jump” by Phillip the Evangelist in the Bible (went 40 miles). That was witnessed by Phillip & the man he baptized. Up, out of the water and the man, Ethiopian, reacted with pleasure! Praising God who he just declared peace with. Yay!

I am open to this. I’m open to disappearing like Enoch who lived 365 years and was “taken” by God. Perhaps a dead body was left, but it is said he “was no more”, not found. Scientists know some things about space travel thru space folding. A bigger knowledge than nukes.

People usually agree the universe is toast but question God and death. Others wonder if their terrible circumstances point to there being no God and everything is about now. I say “Now” could be a day or a millineum. I get antsy.

I have tumors UNDER both feet, blood disease hereditary angioedema, have had hypovolemia (terrible), been poor, been unliked. I always look like I’m struggling. I feel others may even pray God take me to end their worry! And maybe I’m unsightly but I’m not willing to off myself, hell NO! A person is physical and in image quite like God, right? So suffering it out and ENJOYING the pleasures left is good to live for!! Hell YES!!

My sunset body is weak, perishable. Steak goes bad in a week. The body is just as much raw meat at room temperature but how it stays good as long as it’s in YOU or ME. Miraculous, or a wonder. I don’t fear suicide. It equals death. Flesh dies every 7 years, slowly with, trickling to the intestines and pooed out. Ha. A good percentage of poo is blood that is dead. The body has life and death NOW. I learned that from Hahn. Thick Naht.

Well giving up, I have read, is due to a disconnect or dysfunctional relationships. A quiet person may allow themselves killer pity. I’m against killing. Pity of a form can kill or help. So I don’t let people pity me. I live in a condemned flesh house. With a SKULL! Cool.

To survive auto-death threat thoughts, one must stay connected. Even if just a restaurant to frequent, spouse, kids, work (I’m retired/ disabled).

So you see why I am a fighting canidate for giving up?

  • Spouse brain injured
  • Financially okay
  • body hurts bad (but in waves)
  • no car
  • little money to recreate
  • prone to thought struggle
  • brain- bipolar
  • no opiates (actually this enables suicide. Once out of pain a person may say “Ah, relief. Eff this.)

For countermeasures:

I value lone ritual of music, sleep I call “death the game”. Waking I call “Mein little Kampf”. Waking sucks. If dehydrated etc, it’s a pain in the ass and thoughts are dark like a nightmare- but at 42 I am wise enough like my grandpa at 75 who skipped negativity and growled like a bear. Ha. “Boppa”.

Keeping me are visions of old memories, thoughts of relaxation, hobbies. Avoiding all effing arguments, live and let live, involvement with a few and avoiding the masses- even internet shit, bad news of rape and murder. I pray for people in the city in a swath. Good enough, darn it!

I get my feelings hurt less. I want love for me less but get self esteem by loving others! Just watching a bit the youth, knuckle heads- I used to do all that too! And I preach love. You can KNOW who is bad and who is good and LET. Let them. No need to be a hero. God knows us. Extreme evil, shooters- hey, they will be dead. Come to MY city, I maybe have a compound bow tri razor tip ON me. You citizens with your NRA- watch for walking ICEEs.

“I have $100 for any citizen who captures an Is is alive. (I spaced that for anti-detect.) I know our country is putting together awareness & we all know to hit the dirt or run. Aftershock of survivors will become PTSD & even it slowly subsides, so DO NOT WORRY. Trust the po po. They are not without NECESSARY Jack-jumpitty mojo weaponry to serve and protect.

If I die naturally, these words are my gift to the good & ugly. The bad can shove it. Am I good? I’m ugly! Ugly to be bold and accept good and evil. Love protects. I’m with love.

watch and keep breathing easy

this land is ours

Andy OUT

Quickly Now

Why am I writing? I want to listen to Radiohead in bed as I lay on my smushy dis shovel Ed sheeted bed uh.

“Kid A, Kid A…”

“Kid A, Kid A…” (ME! Andy. It’s ME!)

“There- are- corsets in my head-

are corsets in my head…



beep boop pop

zip ding woo! Bop”

yep. Later, you WEB-HEADS!

-andy harrison

portland orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrregon

(Kid A. THE Kid A.)

Enoch Knock

“Enoch lived 365 years and was no more, for God took him.”

Took him how? People knock Enoch and I found someone who knocks back about spiritual matters being overlapping realities. Quantum Christian on lithium. Has a testimony of behavioral reform and being a follower of Jesus, but this takes the bounty cake…


Andrew is my neighbor who talks about Heaven’s Gate on Earth inside HIM. He thinks his body is a vessel and can do unusual things. He called NASA and said one may not need anything to instantly be in one place one second and 4 feet or 4 miles AWAY the next.

He said:

” I was on the bus, relaxing on a vector to Portland, OR from downtown Milwaukie, OR. I folded my hands according to the rhyme:

Here is the church

Here is the steeple

Open the doors

See all the people

Well this is also found in ninja handbooks for “direction”, and so I’m not an occultist. Occult means to hide. I learned this in Sunday School, as well as about Jesus. Apostles. Disciples. Miracle workers. Phillip in Acts 8 was teleported about 40 miles. I’m open. But Phillip was subject. UNDER the Spirit. His jump was a gift.

I’ve had near dying experiences. My memory of my father’s death was SO QUANTUM, because my memory was turned 90 degrees. Quantum to me. All turned around.

Now how about being on a bus. Folding one’s hands. Look down. Look up. Same bus driver. Same passengers. 4 miles away on a street that is not a bus route street. I can’t prove it but basicly I know I wanted to go downtown to deliver a historic book on China to Secret Service because it describes things useful for diplomacy. I guess Jesus said “Let’s go the opposite way” by splicing a bus with humanly Angels. Bus driver dark like… an Ethiopian.

It was like a blackout out with no loss of consciousness. I want to share but I only tell my wife and one friend and pray. I noticed airplanes disappear. Did anyone see my bus disappear? I don’t have ANY CREDIBILITY. I have been bipolar, but this SEEMED schizoeffective.

My conscience says: “Remember”, because I’ve had a hard life. I’ve been ill, dreams broken, found I have a blood disease in 2007. That blood disease created a state in me at age 14 of hypovolemia. Extremely horrifically painful as hell. Poor guy me! Did I touch hell? I sadly believe so, but I’m still here. Hypovolemia may be a key to building a warpable body?

No thanks. But it’s part of my life. Jesus… Yeshua… He is my master. So I shared my voz. My voice with NASA because they want to build a space-folding warp ship out of metal. If they know how, I believe they can! Why not?

It’s lonely to experience a “Contact” jump. You may ask if it’s “real”. To me it is. To you- don’t try to believe my memory. Believe reality. If you laugh at mine, whatever. I don’t mean “made up”. I mean “anything is possible”. Probability speaks of the odds of spontaneous human cloning at 1:4trillion. They say animals have had virgin pregnancy. How would they know? Was Jesus an alien clone?

Maybe outerspace and heaven are the same. The Bible says Jesus ASCENDED. In fact “pulled up”. Play some techno music and see if you do not feel vectors. Heights. Event horizons.

Is the story of Jesus Christ incongruent with our lives today? I think if blood and pain and crosses fascinate you and do not sicken you then you are sick. Forget church buildings and media. Focus on people. I was born here in Portland in 1974. I experienced death congruent with Jesus while in a biologically sound body. My life has been hard. I was born human. I feel feelings still but now I am an alien to this terrestrial sphere and all.

Will I die? I’m not keeping this body! What a junker. You may like your life. As an alien and stranger in this world, I soft-preach to turn your attention away from your “yuck” to Jesus. Time goes forward for me like any. I’m not very important here. To Jesus I am saved in heaven NOW in a big now where past and future are gone. I want more peace.

I do not even say this to others because people on old Earth don’t want a NEW wonderful place as bad as Hawking. Stephen Hawking. Born in UK. Dear Stephen, believe. I am disabled too. There is a guy who looks like Stephen on old Star Trek. That is Stephen. A captain once young and mighty. As for the God of THIS world, I URGE you not to do his bidding. Violence. Greed.

As for the God of Universe II, Jesus… Jesu calling you not with human linguistics mostly but to where YOU are. You may be alien to him. He is a warrior Lion. We killed him. He forgave it.

Paranoid? I struggle, having never seen his face. Faith is your educated guess. We get old and are put in coffins. The meat body. To some this is the end. To others, it is a new beginning.

To the Ekklesia, put your meaty bodies to work and love one another according to the divine romance of the Prince of Peace. This writing is not Bible. A bible cannot change you. Reality can.

In memory of Larry Rodriguez who died of cancer, a teacher in West Linn. He told me he saw a UFO as carefully as he could before he died. “Larry, that helps me now because I am dying, but inside I am renewed & believe in The Uplift of a LIFE OVER DEATH in all vectors.”

He called me A-Rod for Andrew Rodriguez. What Jesusness he had. Not to be silly. We atheists figured it out together that truth says:

to hell with hell in God the Father of Jesus. Jesucristu. Espiritu Sanctu. Soul music. Seek and you will find.”


Andrew gave me this to print. I like the soul music part. The rest would make a neat movie maybe. He said he is afraid he might die soon and just write this and that special effects are hokey, that everyone should be happy to exist and if you find proof your name is etched in Heaven- cling to that. Not miracles.

Okay, well that was different. I wish I could write like that.

Blessings to your family, dog and automobile. If you have no automobile, bless your socks and Crocs.